My Retarded Younger Brother

[Note: The mutual masturbation article has been postponed for further research. -ed]

I'd like to talk to you all for a moment about DeathSlayer117, my retarded younger brother who sucks my cock for five dollars a month. DeathSlayer117 is a frequent combatant on Xbox Live, and enjoys long walks on the beach, team killing, spawn camping, and rocket whoring. He can frequently be found hiding behind obvious but tactically critical passageways, going for the same, obvious, easy kills over and over and over to inflate his kill count and improve his pointless ranking.

But there's another side to DeathSlayer117. I'm talking about the side that sucks my cock. Every night. For five dollars a month. And also he's my retarded younger brother. Now, five dollars a month might not seem like that much to you, but to my retarded younger brother, DeathSlayer117, it's enough money to... well... to convince him to suck my cock. Every night.

He does a good job, too. You'd think that he would sort of "phone it in" for that little money, but no. This motherfucker tries. He tickles the inside of my thighs. He plays with my nut sack. He does that thing with his tongue that I like. I've gotta admit, he's sucks cock like a pro.

So why five dollars? Why not ten, or three? Mainly because one dollar is just too little, two dollar bills are hard to come by, you can get five dollars in one bill, and Deathslayer117 is my retarded younger brother, so I like not having to make him count. I could have gotten by with ten or twenty, but I'm a cheap motherfucker. So five it is.

Some people have accused me of taking advantage of my retarded younger brother, but I assure you that he completely consents to the cock sucking, and I'm pretty sure he actually enjoys it. Or he would enjoy it, if I didn't constantly beat and shame him while he was doing it. Little fucker needs to be kept in line.

Join us next week for an exciting analysis of mutual masturbation!